The Conversations You’re Avoiding Are Probably the Ones You Most Need to Have

Let’s cut to it: if you’re a leader and you’re avoiding hard conversations, you’re hurting your team.

I know it’s uncomfortable. You’re busy. You’re the “cool boss.” You don’t want to “ruin the vibe.” You’re afraid they’ll get defensive, shut down, or (let’s be honest) cry. But that little problem you’re tiptoeing around? It’s growing roots. And worse, it’s sending a message to the rest of the team that their extra effort doesn’t matter—because nothing changes.

Silence Doesn’t Fix Gaps — It Creates Bigger Ones

When someone isn’t performing, isn’t aligned, or is consistently impacting the team in a negative way, and you do nothing? You’re not just avoiding conflict. You’re actively sabotaging the people who are doing their jobs well. That one team member who’s late every day without a word? That one person who drops the ball but never gets feedback? That leader who’s passive-aggressive in meetings but never addressed?

If you’re not saying something, you’re silently co-signing the behavior. And that will chip away at trust, morale, and performance—one eye roll at a time.

Real Leadership Means Real Conversations

Being a leader isn’t about being liked. It’s about being honest, fair, and clear—especially when it’s hard.
Great teams don’t happen through vibes. They happen through feedback, accountability, and clarity—and those things only show up when someone’s brave enough to start the conversation.

And let’s be clear: “difficult” doesn’t mean “aggressive.” It means honest. Clear. Centered. Empathetic. Human.

What Happens When You Avoid It?

Here’s the ripple effect of avoiding hard conversations:

• Top performers burn out because they’re picking up slack and getting zero recognition for it.
• Trust breaks down because people feel the double standard.
• Your culture becomes performative—all surface, no substance.
• And worst of all? The person you should be talking to doesn’t get a chance to grow or improve—because you never gave them the opportunity.

How to Have the Conversation Without Imploding

Hard conversations get easier with practice – and you’ll have a lot of practice the longer you’re in a leadership role. Here’s how to get started (and how to stop spiraling while you’re at it):

1. Start With Your “Why”

Before you say a word, ask yourself:

• What do I actually want out of this conversation?
• What would success look like—for me, for them, for the team?

Spoiler: “Because I’m annoyed” isn’t a helpful reason. Get clear. Be intentional.

2. Stick to the Facts

Don’t tell stories. Don’t speculate. Don’t assume intent.

Use the Situation-Behavior-Impact model (SBI):

“In yesterday’s meeting (situation), I noticed you rolled your eyes when I asked for your update (behavior), which impacted how comfortable the rest of the team felt speaking up (impact).”

Stick to what you observed and why it matters.

3. Invite Their Perspective

This is a two-way street. Ask:

“What’s your take on this?”
“Is there anything I’m missing?”

Let them talk. Really listen. Maybe there’s something going on behind the scenes. Maybe they didn’t even realize how they were coming off. Maybe you need to adjust your expectations and perspective. Give space. Stay open.

4. Own Your Part

If you’ve let things slide for too long, say that. If your communication hasn’t been clear, acknowledge it. Leadership doesn’t mean being flawless—it means being self-aware.

5. Solve Together

This isn’t a vent session. This is a reset point. Ask:

“What would help us move forward?”
“What can we both commit to doing differently?”

Find the shared outcome. Create accountability. Agree on next steps. (Then document it—because, you know, HR.)

When Emotions Show Up (Because They Will)

Let’s be honest—no matter how calm, kind, or prepared you are, people are going to react how they react. You can’t control emotions, but you can manage the moment with a little grace and a lot of clarity. Here’s how to handle the common reactions without spiraling, snapping, or tiptoeing:

Avoidance or Changing the Subject?
If they suddenly pivot to a different issue, ramble off-topic, or say “it’s not a big deal,” bring them back gently—but firmly:

“I know this might be uncomfortable, but we can’t work through it if we avoid it. Let’s stay focused on what’s actually happening here.”

Straight-Up Silence?
You ask a question and get… crickets and awkward eye contact. No problem. Hold space, then say:

“I can tell this might be a lot to process, but it’s important we talk about it. I really want to understand your side of things.”

Blame-Shifting or “It Wasn’t Just Me”?
If they start naming everyone but themselves, redirect:

“Totally understand there might be more to the story—but right now, it’s you and me in this meeting and I’m talking with you about your role in this.”

Getting Defensive or Angry?
Maybe the voice gets louder or the arms cross. That’s your cue to stay calm while they storm:

“I can see you’re frustrated—and honestly, I’d probably be frustrated too. Let’s talk through what’s going on instead of turning this into a battle.”

Tears or a Total Emotional Shutdown?
This one’s tough, especially if you weren’t expecting it. The goal? Pause, but don’t run from it:

“Hey, we can take a minute if you need. No rush—we’ll get through this together.”

The trick isn’t to shut the emotion down—it’s to hold space for it without losing the conversation. Emotions are human. You’re not there to fix or absorb them—you’re just guiding the moment so it doesn’t get stuck in the emotion instead of the issue.

When the Conversation Doesn’t Go Well (And That’s Okay)

Here’s a hard truth: not everyone can handle difficult conversations—on either side of them. You might show up with the right intent, prepared with facts, an open mind, and a supportive attitude… and still walk away thinking, “Well, that didn’t go how I hoped.”

And that’s okay.

Some employees simply aren’t ready (or willing) to be accountable. Others don’t yet have the emotional or professional maturity to process feedback productively. As long as you’re following best practices—showing respect, being clear, leading with curiosity—you’re doing your part. If they can’t meet you in the middle, that’s not on you.

In those situations, it’s time to shift from coaching mode to decision-making mode. Set clear expectations. Create a performance improvement plan if needed. But most importantly: don’t let them continue draining your team and bringing down the culture because you hope they’ll come around.

Same goes for your leaders.

If you have managers who avoid hard conversations—even after training—that’s a red flag. One-on-ones, coaching talks, accountability moments? That’s the job. If they can’t do it, and won’t learn how, you need to have your hard conversation with them about whether they’re truly fit for a leadership role.

Because at the end of the day, if your leaders can’t uphold accountability, no one else will either.

Difficult ≠ Destructive

Difficult conversations are uncomfortable, yes. But they don’t have to be damaging. When done well, they build trust. They create space for growth. They show your team that accountability is part of the culture—not just lip service. And when you avoid them? You don’t just dodge discomfort—you invite dysfunction.

Final Word from NevadaHR

We’re not saying these conversations are easy. We’re saying they’re necessary. So think about that conversation you’ve been avoiding. You probably already know who it’s with. You know what it’s about. Now’s the time to stop avoiding and start leading.

If you don’t know where to begin, or you need help coaching through a conversation, that’s what we’re here for. At NevadaHR, we believe in transforming lives with the power of HR—and sometimes, that starts with one really honest, really human conversation.

So go on. Say the thing – (just not the weird thing).